Divorce is unfortunately becoming common for various reasons. Abuse both physical and emotional is one of them. We have no choice but to accept divorce as normal part of life instead of some rare phenomenon.
There is a huge number of women stuck in abusive relationships because their parents won’t accept their divorce or won’t support them. It is distressful to know that parents are more concerned about their “ناک” than their daughters health and happiness.
No one can understand the trauma of living under a household where you are accounted for a little mistake, for little something you did or didn’t do, and for almost everything you do or say. Women have described to me living in such relationships as
“سانس لینا بھی دشوار ہے ”
Parents,
Please come out of this age old thing that divorce spoils reputation. Because it doesn’t. It only says that two people came together to create a shared life but they couldn’t figure out how to do that.
Don’t push back your daughters into the same hell they came from begging you to be rid off. We are living in 21st century where we have accepted things never imagined before then why can’t we accept something that is totally halal and allowed.
And once you have married off your daughter don’t think that you are totally free of her responsibility. She is part of your family for life and thus your responsibility for life. May be not financial responsibility (debatable) but definitely an emotional and social responsibility because she is forever connected to you.
When she becomes helpless because of husband’s lack of responsibility she becomes your responsibility and you can’t deny it.
You can’t deprive her of her due inheritance because she is no more “your responsibility”.
You can’t force her to choose to stay in a hell because you don’t want to take that responsibility.
Some women would say that they are choosing to stay in the torturous relationship because if their parents came to know about it they won’t be able to take it. Why won’t they be able to take the truth that you are suffering and they need to rescue you.
Parents
Come on! See through the smiles of your daughter. There may be hundreds of tears behind those smiles. There is a limit to patience. Don’t let that limit be crossed because when that limit is crossed it only creates more chaos.
No I am not saying that a woman should separate at a slightest sign of discord. All I am saying is that let’s not abandon our daughters when they are suffering day in and day out. Let’s embrace them with the same warmth and sense of belonging they used to enjoy with us before they were married because single, married, divorced or widowed, they are our daughters and will remain as such.
Munira Ahmed
Parenting and Relationship Coaching (Pakistan)