Children are by nature loving, cooperative and sunny, however at times they are impulsive and immature about their choices. They have little control over their emotions and behaviors, because of their under developed brains. Human brain doesn’t develop fully untill mid twenties.
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Age appropriate limits set in a compassionate way help children learn self control and self- discipline.
Its parents’ responsibility to guide, lead and teach children by fulfilling their basic needs and setting limits wherever necessary to instill values and inculcate appropriate behaviors.
What is setting limits/ healthy boundaries
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❌It simply means- saying ” No” to inessential demands.
⭕Accepting the child but not the misbehavior of the child.
Children of all ages need boundaries in order to be flexible, disciplined, and well- adjusted. Children who grow in healthy boundaries feel secure and, are better at self control, on the contrary children who grow without boundaries often grow up to be adamant, impulsive and over entitled adults.
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Examples of boundaries : –
” We are going market to get some groceries, we will be buying some fruit of your choice, but not a toy
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” I can see that you are really mad at your friend but its not ok to call bad names to others, no matter how we feel , if you will do it again , we’ll leave the park”
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” I know you can’t wait to play with your cousins, but we always do our work before play so, let’s complete our work first so that you can join your cousins in play”
⭕When we set boundaries with kids, they probably won’t like that and push back hence, tears and disappointment are very much expected responses, however, those tears should neither be ignored, nor be distracted. All we need to do is to validate our children and stay firm amd consistent with our limits. If we give our children the same message everytime, when they test our boundaries, they learn to accept those boundaries and even internalize them – that’s how they become self-disciplined .
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So, next time when your kid’s behavior goes off-track or he/ she makes unwanted requests, dont hesitate to say “NO”. It will teach your child the much needed self control.
Happy Parenting
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Amina Malik